


I'm Gonna Lose my Mind (history keeps pulling me down)

by nelly06061



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Feels, Blind Character, Blind!Reader, Comfort/Angst, F/F, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 05:28:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20092018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nelly06061/pseuds/nelly06061
Summary: Based on this prompt:Could you do an imagine or drabble where Natasha has a legally blind girlfriend who has been sad for a bit. And when Natasha asks her about it she says something like. "Why would you choose me? I need extra help with almost everything because I can't see, and I'm nowhere near as capable as you are." And Natasha comforts and reassures her.





	I'm Gonna Lose my Mind (history keeps pulling me down)

‘It’s gorgeous, y/n, it really is.’ Natasha gushed at you, and you could hear the emotion in her voice, and if you knew her, you knew she was on the verge of tears. ‘Not as gorgeous as you though, of course. It suits you and it compliments you… but it doesn’t take over you. You’re still there and you wear the dress, it doesn’t wear you.’

You couldn’t help but grin, running your hand over the different parts of the dress once again. You could trace the intricate lace patterns, and the flowing movement of the long trailing skirt brushed your legs, making you feel light, but assured by Natasha’s constant loving guidance, you also felt like this was the one. Your wedding dress.

Noticing you focus on the lace, the boutique owner dashed over to help.

‘The lace was designed and sewn in France, it’s these large, elegant flowers, surrounded by delicate petals and smaller flowers.’ She tried to explain as best she could to you, as you nodded along. Before you had come into the shop, you had explained to them over the phone how this dress appointment might be slightly unusual. Not only would there be two brides, but both of them would be coming, and one of them was legally blind.

Focusing on this wedding had given you something to do, and distracted you from the sinking feeling that was becoming more and more common for you to have to deal with on a daily basis. But now, faced with such a visual and aesthetic choice to make, you found the sadness slowly rising in you. You would never be able to see the lace on your own wedding dress, and that wasn’t even considering the fact you wouldn’t barely be able to see your soon to be wife’s.

Slowly nodding, you thanked the shop assistant, however you felt Natasha was soon at your side.

‘I know you would love this dress, darling. And the lace, it’s yours. You can make it whatever you want in your head, imagine it however you like. It might not be what I see, but that isn’t important to me. I want you to feel confident, and happy. You deserve this and I’m not gonna let you down.’ Natasha spoke softly and quietly to you, taking your hands and rubbing them gently with hers. She always noticed any change in you, and in her own magic way, knew exactly what was up. And usually, she knew the right thing to say too. Lately, however, no matter how much she could say or do to help you, it almost made it even worse. The constant need for help plagued you, and now it had taken over Natasha’s life too, you knew. But of course she would always deny that.

‘I’d never thought of it like that.’ You replied eventually, managing a small smile through your sniffles. ‘It’s my own and I can see it how I want.’ You nodded more convincingly this time, and when Natasha spoke again you could hear the smile back in her voice.

‘Good. I want to give you everything I can, y/n. I love the dress and I promise you do too. Is that okay?’

‘Yes, I think this is finally the one.’ You said, and hugged her tightly, trying to pull yourself together once again.

She let you pull her in for as long as you needed, before breaking off, and leading you back to the changing room.

As you bought the dress and arranged a fitting appointment, and on the journey home, you relied on Natasha’s support to keep you going, and keep you steady.

When you got home however, and there was no societal expectations of not having breakdowns to adhere to, you flopped on your couch, curling up in on yourself, willing yourself not to cry, but at the same time wanting to show the world (Natasha) how you felt and scream and just never have to do anything like that ever again. Never do anything ever again.

When Natasha returned from the kitchen and found you, she immediately forgot the cups of tea in her hands, placing them down and sitting next to you. 

‘Y/n?’ She said your name as a question, but also a reassurance, that you were both still there and this was all real, because sometimes you couldn’t tell. You were sure you were imagining things half the time, but then again, you couldn’t see, so all you had left to do was imagine things. You had lost your sight in your late teens, so now your entire life consisted of collages of rooms and places and people whose faces you could remember, even when you were speaking to someone brand new. 

You said nothing for a long time, and slowly Natasha placed a hand on your knee, letting you know she was there, but giving you the time you needed. You started to cry as she touched you, unable to hold it back anymore as all of a sudden you didn’t want it to be real anymore. You sobbed and shook, not even wanting to imagine what you looked like right then. When the sobs turned to sniffles, you took deep breaths, willing yourself to speak. You owed Natasha an explanation. The longer you waited however, the harder it became, and eventually you just shook your head, looking down.

‘I’m always here for you, darling.’ Was all Natasha said, not wanting to bombard you with questions.

‘Why would you choose me? I need extra help with almost everything and I’m nowhere near as capable as you are. And now I’m a mess, too….’ You finally burst out without thinking, before the sobs overtook you again as the weight of your confession laid heavy on yourself.

‘Because I love you. And seeing you like this is heartbreaking for me, and I want to do anything I can to make you happy, and to make your life just a little bit easier. I know how bad you feel every time I have to do something for you, but I just want you to feel safe with me. And happy. And I’m sure that one day, darling, we’ll get there.’ She tried to reassure you, but you weren’t sure any words would break through to you right now. ‘Because helping you helps  _ me. _ Helps me feel real and valid, and like I deserve to be here. After everything I’ve done, you are so selfless -’ you cut her off with a scoff as she said that, ‘no, you really are. You help me and let me talk to you about whatever I want, whenever I want. Whether its 1am and I’m shaking, and you stay up all night to hold me while I can’t even explain to you, or whether we are eating tea and all of a sudden I’m back there. You have never put yourself first, and yes, it fucking sucks for you. You’re allowed to be sad, but never because of me. You are the light of my life and helping you is the joy of my life. Please.’

As she talked about herself more, you finally opened yourself up to be exposed to her words, and her feelings. You wanted to say that it wasn’t the same, that you would always feel guilty, and how you felt you was ruining her life.

But something in her voice and the way she was touching you ever so softly, yet constantly reassuring, made you want to believe in her. So, just for that moment, you did. You uncurled out of your ball, and Natasha took the invitation, maneuvering the both of you on the sofa so she was holding you, cuddling you completely.

‘I love you. Thank -’ You started, but Natasha cut you off with a soft kiss, making you startle a little, but you never felt unsure or unsafe around her.

‘I love you too.’ She sighed, and you both stayed impossibly close and quiet for as long as you both needed. 


End file.
